{"id":3430,"date":"2010-06-16T06:21:28","date_gmt":"2010-06-16T10:21:28","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.schollnick.net\/wordpress\/?p=3430"},"modified":"2010-06-16T06:21:33","modified_gmt":"2010-06-16T10:21:33","slug":"provision-us-up","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.schollnick.net\/wordpress\/2010\/06\/provision-us-up\/","title":{"rendered":"Provision us up!"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"xwing-provisions.jpg\"<\/p>\n

Source is Mike’s Place, a restaurant in Kent, OH. You can see the barrel of Acme X-wing Fuel to the right. There’s also a catapult on the roof that’s aimed at the Bob Evans across the street.<\/p>\n

There are a bunch of “rules” on the menu that include:<\/p>\n

    \n
  1. Mike is always right. (just don’t ask his wife) <\/li>\n
  2. Only Mike or the managers may refer to the waitress staff as serving wenches. (They call us studpuppets. Honest!) <\/li>\n
  3. Special Orders DO UPSET US ! (our kitchen is staffed with former professional wrestlers) <\/li>\n
  4. The customer is NOT always right. (refer to rule #1) <\/li>\n
  5. Tips may be thrown at cooks. (in appreciation or as an incentive to never cook again) <\/li>\n
  6. Yes, burping is allowed and appreciated. (please, no rolling your placemats into megaphones) <\/li>\n
  7. Thou shalt control thy children or we will provide duct tape. <\/li>\n
  8. We will not split orders. If you are that cheap, split it yourself. <\/li>\n
  9. Tip your waitress so they don’t lose your order next time. <\/li>\n
  10. Stop stealing our menus and we’ll stop keying your cars. <\/li>\n
  11. Silverware is for eating with, not for throwing at your waitress to get her attention. <\/li>\n
  12. No making motorboat noises in your beer. <\/li>\n
  13. We serve breakfast all day (cuz we never know when your lazy butt is getting out of bed) <\/li>\n
  14. We realize that the ingredients are similar (water, grains and yeast) but you cannot substitute beer for toast. <\/li>\n
  15. No jousting with steak knives in the aisles please, it really doesn’t impress our waitresses anyway. To best capture their attention, try throwing cash. <\/li>\n
  16. Please refrain from using “the force” to remove treasured items from our hallowed walls or levitating the X-wing. <\/li>\n
  17. Please do not try to get a discount by claiming to be a friend of Mike’s unless you can answer these questions: \n
      \n
    1. What was his name before he joined the witness relocation program? <\/li>\n
    2. How long was he on tour with the Michael Stanley Band? <\/li>\n
    3. True or false? His AOL screen name is Obi Wannabe Canoli. <\/li>\n
    4. What was his position in the Reagan Administration?<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

      Source is Mike’s Place, a restaurant in Kent, OH. You can see the barrel of Acme X-wing Fuel to the right. There’s also a catapult on the roof that’s aimed at the Bob Evans across the street. There are a bunch of “rules” on the menu that include: Mike is always right. (just don’t ask […]<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":3429,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0},"categories":[8],"tags":[245,212],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.schollnick.net\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3430"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.schollnick.net\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.schollnick.net\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.schollnick.net\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.schollnick.net\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3430"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/www.schollnick.net\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3430\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.schollnick.net\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/3429"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.schollnick.net\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3430"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.schollnick.net\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3430"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.schollnick.net\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3430"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}